I'm standing here looking down. It's beautiful out, and I'm thinking this is it this how life is.
It's real. And I can physically feel everything for what it is.
The bumps on my arms and legs, the dryness on my cheeks.

And I can see everything for what it is.
No filters, lens caps or flashes.
I can see the sky winkling and
the water glittering.

And if a man were behind to wrap his arms around me,
it probably wouldn't be to my benefit.

This is life.
Constant motion.
Constant beauty.
Cold, obscure and cleansing.

But soon I'll be back to the city.
Where city lights hide the stars,
and night isn't as dark as it once was
even with my eyes closed.

I want someone who believes in the importance of people. That we all have something valuable within us,
and that no one is greater than the other. Someone who wants to live and not just be, existing.
Someone that believes this world around us and all its inhabitants are
more than just matter and mind over it.



For me, I'm not sure what will happen in the future, and I'm not exactly sure what I want it to hold.
All I know, is that I want to be happy, and I want to be loved and to love.
For now, I just want to grow, and experience all that's happening as God desires it.

I want to live and learn.
Teach and build. Break down and cry. Laugh and create and inspire and love.
I want to know who I am. Not my name, nor where I'm from, but my identity.

In Defense of Barbie and Ken

M'kay. We're all familiar with what Barbie and Ken represent today; the prime examples of distorted self-perception, the epitomes of "plastic beauty" yadee-ya dee hoodee-ha.... Is it just me, or have we forgotten the fact that they are just DOLLS? As far as I know, Barbie and Ken never sprouted minds of their own, and set out to brainwash the masses. No my friends, we did the damage all by ourselves. We decided to look this caricatural copy of the human body, and take it seriously. Thus the pin-up, video, photoshoped model, and glamour girls and boys were born.

What if things had taken an opposite turn? Maybe then, the Barbie-to-human size ratio would be a strange joke, and not a reality check. Confidence, my people. Confidence and self love. Say it with me!

The Pride Trip

I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. Who I'll be in 5yrs. 10yrs...

One major part that troubles me is where I'll be religiously.
I'm pretty angry at God right now. At least I think I am. Maybe I'm just angry in general at my situation... Either way, what I think of these days is how going to church makes me miserable, and if I was ever really happy in church. I think about "all" of those people who were raised religiously, went off their separate ways when they moved out, and if they are really okay as they seem now. The truth is though, I don't want to leave God. I'm mad as hell at what's happened. Hot tears and that uncomfortable pressing feeling on my chest; I know it all too well.

I feel distracted, and I don't really know what I want. I do know, however, that I don't to "come to the alter and lay it all down." That's for sure. It's embarrassing.

I know this is all wrong. That I'm feeding the beast and starving the warrior, but there's this little thing called pride...

I'll always be a spiritual person, but will I always be religious? Will being spiritual be enough to get me into heaven? Will being religious mean that I'll have to be less open minded?

Doctors and Vaginas

Sometimes I get the feeling that my doctors think I'm lying to them. Especially when it comes to the topic of sex ...well exclusively when it comes to sex. I get double takes, and raised eyebrows. Yes. Yes really I'm NOT sexually active. No not at all. I'm a virgin, yes. No I don't use tampons...nothing goes up there. Why this is such a shocker to these medics, I have no idea. Is it that uncommon? If it is, more of a reason to stay the way I am. I like being different. A "needle in the haystack" of sorts.
So, Dr. Cold-Eyed-Post-Grad-Degree, if you try and shove a large, foreign object up my cooch, I might hurt a bit. Take a note for the next virgin you think is lying to you ;-)

Dreamworld

What if we adapted in real life as well as we did in our dreams?