I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. Who I'll be in 5yrs. 10yrs...
One major part that troubles me is where I'll be religiously.
I'm pretty angry at God right now. At least I think I am. Maybe I'm just angry in general at my situation... Either way, what I think of these days is how going to church makes me miserable, and if I was ever really happy in church. I think about "all" of those people who were raised religiously, went off their separate ways when they moved out, and if they are really okay as they seem now. The truth is though, I don't want to leave God. I'm mad as hell at what's happened. Hot tears and that uncomfortable pressing feeling on my chest; I know it all too well.
I feel distracted, and I don't really know what I want. I do know, however, that I don't to "come to the alter and lay it all down." That's for sure. It's embarrassing.
I know this is all wrong. That I'm feeding the beast and starving the warrior, but there's this little thing called pride...
I'll always be a spiritual person, but will I always be religious? Will being spiritual be enough to get me into heaven? Will being religious mean that I'll have to be less open minded?
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